It's nice to know there's a girl I can sleep with whenever I want.

So I know you guys are dying to know all about the threesome with, let's call them Mark and Amy. Remember they are my buddy and his ex. I felt weird about it because I felt like I’d be the guest star who doesn’t get much attention. I will do my best to describe in as much detail without alienating anyone I know who reads this.

Okay so I get to Amy's house at around 11. I've had a few drinks with the boy who shall not be nicknamed (who incidentally just dumped me because he likes me too much...we'll come back to that) and Mark and Amy have had a few drinks as well. It's good, not too awkward. Just three friends hanging out. Mark is baking a pie...can you say nervous energy much?

Anyway we're all hanging out, talking, drinking. Mark makes me the biggest T&T I have ever seen in my life. I think he's trying to get my drunk so I'll have sex with him...oh wait...

So anyway we're all drinking, we smoke some pot, feeling good. Amy gets up to go to the bathroom, I'm lying on the couch. Mark comes over and kisses me. It's the sweetest kiss I could have imagined. It's like "I've waited to kiss you for a long time" kind of kiss. Which is actually pretty true. I felt a little guilty that he kissed me while Amy was away...like this was our little moment and the rest of the night would be shared between the three of us...guilt ended there though.

So Amy gets back from the bathroom and goes to sit by her window and smoke a cigarette. I said something terribly witty, so witty in fact that Amy said "oh you're so cute. Come here" with that come here finger. She kissed me. It was...awesome. I had never really kissed a girl before other than that one time at camp. That was pretty much a dare and we were trying to see if we could get a male counselor’s head to explode...but I digress. So Amy and I are making out. It's really hot. Mark is all the way on the other end of the room and it has become abundantly clear that he is going to be very inconsequential in this act. I feel a little bad but not bad enough to stop lavishing Amy with kisses. This is so fucking cool. So anyway Amy takes me shirt off, I take hers off...Mark has made his way over to the bed but he's clearly still just a spectator.

So anyway Amy gets up for some reason which leaves me and Mark on the bed. I'm half naked. He kisses me, we start making out. Amy comes back and we both take Mark's shirt off. I can't believe this is actually happening and it's totally not weird at all. It's actually great and very very sweet. Mark and Amy are constantly fighting over me. At one point Amy actually pushed Mark’s face away from me so she could get it. It was kinda cute, kinda weird that I was being fought over.

So you're all thinking to yourself, "did she do it to her?" Well dear audience, I did it all and I fucking loved it. She did it all too. One very important thing has come out of this whole situation. I totally now know how confusing it is for you men out there. It is a great and mysterious Oz down there and even though I know my own body very well it is impossible for me to even begin to think I know what's going on in her body. But I have to say, making a woman have an orgasm is probably one of the greatest things in the world. A woman really let's you know what's going on and when she does finally cum it's like this amazing tension. Maybe it's because I'm a woman and I know what she's feeling at that moment so my empathy level is much higher but I have to tell you, it blew my mind.

So was that graphic enough? We all fell asleep wrapped up in each other. it was actually quite sweet. When we woke up in the morning, stone cold sober, we actually did it again. it was great. Maybe even better than the first time. Again, Amy and I pretty much ignored Mark until he asked Amy to get a condom so he could pull me on top of him. The morning events ended with me on top of Mark, us both oohing and ahhing, and Amy quietly kissing both of us from the side. I felt a little bad. I feel like the whole thing ended without her really being able to participate. She shut down for a brief moment. Could this be threesome jealousy of some sort? I try not to think too much about it.

We all fell back asleep and eventually awoke around 2 in the afternoon. I had to go write a paper for school and go see a Broadway show with a friend. I kissed them both goodbye and hopped on the subway for my ultimate walk of shame. I was exhausted but feeling great.

I'm glad I did it. I don't know if I'd do it again. I think I just used the whole threesome excuse as a "safe" reason to sleep with a girl. The fact is, if I want to sleep with a girl from now on, I can. It's okay. Oh shit, does that make me gay? As my best friend says, "No honey, you just love the cock too much to be a lesbian!"