He has so done this before

Last night around 12:30 Older Navy called me to “tuck me in” and say goodnight. If this is possible he made the whole “what are you doing, what are you wearing, this is what I’d be doing if I were lying next to you” thing not weird at all. I swear I must have been blushing. He was very smooth and that is not a word I would use to describe him. He’s sweet, kind, a “nice guy” but I wouldn’t call him smooth.

But this whole “I’d put my hand there and I’d take this off” thing seemed so well choreographed. He definitely had it down. I feel like he has to have done this whole phone relationship before. I mean I’ve done it before but it’s never worked like this. He seems so comfortable on the phone. I’ve never been good on the phone. If it were up to me I’d have all my serious relationship talks on IM where I can spell check and think about what I’m saying. But when I’m on the phone I’m either a) super distracted by other shiny objects or b) I turn into some weird cooing girly girl who is essentially smiling and nodding. I have done both with Older Navy.

It’s not that he doesn’t keep me engaged on the phone. He totally does. It’s just as much as I like hearing about how he wants to kiss the back of my neck, I’d rather he be here and fucking kissing the back of my neck.

But we all know it’s coming. The inevitable phone sex. I’ve never been good with phone sex. I mean I’m a good listener, I just can’t dish it out. Cybersex, that’s a whole other ballgame. Does that make me a geek who’s in love with her computer? Probably. I’m not sure I can handle phone sex with this guy. I feel like he’d destroy me, decimate me. I shiver when he says things like “okay I’m going to cuddle up next to you.” What the hell am I supposed to do when he’s describing huffing and puffing on top of me?

Okay I’m totally stressing about nothing. What I should be worried about is the fact that in a matter of days my newest “boy” will be meeting my parents. My parents, incidentally, have no idea that I actually like this guy. They think he just has a crush on me. They also have no idea that he’s 35 or that I’ve already slept with him. I don’t know why I’m embarrassed about this but I totally am. He’s adorable, they are going to love him, but it’s totally weird. Plus the thing that sucks the most is that we won’t get to sleep together. I mean even if he stays at my folk’s house (which would be totally weird) there’s no way we’re sleeping in the same bed. What a bummer. Maybe I’m worried that I will seem like a little girl around my parents and brother and aunt. Maybe I’m worried that they will piece the story together and judge me. Shouldn’t I just be worried about my show?

Okay got to go. Looks like Older Navy wants to tuck me in again…