There was some detail of my evening with Older Navy that I discounted as fairly unimportant that is now biting me in the ass. No, it wasn’t the sex, the kissing, the music or even the pizza. This moment happened at around 5am and I’m slipping back into my underwear. He grabs me squarely by the shoulders, looks me in the eyes and says “I want you know that I don’t expect anything from you, but I’d like to keep in touch.”

Now at the time I assumed he was totally smitten with me and really wanted to expect more from me but was trying to be cool and aloof. Well last night when I finally SPOKE to him on the phone (for 15 minutes before his phone died and he promised to call back and never did) that moment grew in significance.

Now, I know I’m young and stupid but is it wrong of me to have SOME expectations of him? I expect him to call me back, I expect him to pick me up at the airport (don’t worry, he hasn’t said he won’t do that…come to think of it, he hasn’t said he will either). Is that wrong? Well anyway he launches into this lecture of sorts, constantly reassuring him that he’s talking about himself and not about me. He said that if he was 24 and had met me he would be calling me 12 times a day and completely smitten…not that he isn’t smitten…Anyway but at 35 it’s a lot easier for him to just ‘be’ and not have any expectations of anyone.

Now call me a cynic but I see that as a total defense mechanism. I see that as 35 years of being hurt by his own expectations and he has to pretend that they aren’t there so he’ll never get burned. “If you don’t expect too much from me, you might not be let down.” Ahh the Gin Blossoms, so brilliant.

So we didn’t get to finish this conversation because his phone was dying as he was attempting to explain himself. I told him to call me when he got home and could plug in his phone. He never did and I fell asleep.

So what the hell do I do about this? I don’t even want to go down there anymore. I feel like, “what’s the point?” I’ve made the decision, that although he’s great, there’s no future here. I know I should just go down there, and have fun, but I’m not sure I believe in fun with no strings these days.