I never thought I would say this but I am so happy to be back in the land of polite New Yorkers. No, that was not a typo. Compared to the incredibly pushy Israeli’s I just got shoved around by, New Yorkers are like puppies. Seriously, I have never been shoved or pushed around or given dirtier looks than what I experienced in Israel. I apologize to any Israelis who might be reading this, I’m sure you’re not all rude, but whew!

Anyway, in case you were wondering where I was, I was in Israel for my cousin’s wedding. I will now attempt to give you an accurate picture of the circus that is an Israeli wedding.

First of all, the bride greets everyone in her wedding dress. This threw me for a minute but I got used to it. She was very calm and collected and she looked really pretty. Apparently it is somewhat of an unwritten tradition that Israeli brides get to dress like whores on their wedding day. Fortunately, my cousin did not follow this lovely tradition. She looked great. Anyway, unlike an American wedding, finger food, and more importantly, alcohol is served before the actual ceremony. This ensures that everyone is good an tipsy before the vows are even exchanged. This cocktail hour goes on for about an hour and a half when all of a sudden music (that sounded like the soundtrack to Rocky) blared over the PA. This was our cue to make our way to the Chuppa (wedding tent) where the ceremony is actually performed. But the thing is, no one shuts up. There are people chatting away, there are people on their fucking cell phones, while my cousin (who did not get to say a word the whole ceremony) is taking her vows. An American bride would never stand for this, but in Israel, this is par for the course.

So I strained to hear and see what was going on. When I realized that wasn’t happening, I started to survey the outfits. I was told that weddings in Israel are fairly casual but I had no idea what that really meant. The outfits ran the gamut. There were young men in jeans and untucked button downs and there were women in their Sunday sluttiest. It was truly an array of fashion.

The rest of the wedding was much like an American wedding. Food, dancing, speeches (all of which were in Hebrew so I didn’t understand a word) and a lot of drinking. The groom did more drinking then most of the guests combined. It was a sight to see. My brother and I were seated at a table with my cousin (the brother of the bride) and a bunch of his army buds. One of them I had met the night before and I think we were both kind of crushing on each other. He got me drinks and translated conversations for me. Unfortunately his ride was leaving before he and I could have a little ‘lets not be lonely at a wedding’ nookie so we will never know what could have been. Oh well. He made me a mix CD of Israeli music which I am currently listening to.

The last thing everyone does at a wedding is jumps in the pool. It’s odd, but it works for them. My brother and I refrained from this tradition because we didn’t want to have to drive back to Haifa wet.

The rest of the trip consisted of me and my brother hanging out with my cousin and his friends. We learned a great card game, Shithead, that I can’t wait to teach to everyone I know.

It was good to hang out with my family and really get to know them better. I liked that I was in another country and didn’t have to go sight seeing and do the tourist thing. It was good to just feel like a person visiting family.