Going, going, gone!

Last night I made a master of the young Jedi. He has finally learned to use the force. I'm not sure who was more nervous. I mean, I have this huge responsibility for this boys future. I will be the name he says when he's 40 when all of his buddies are sitting around drinking beers and then inevitably start talking about sex. "Dude, who was your first?"

The whole thing was a bit awkward. I didn't want to overstep my bounds so I kept asking him a lot of questions, "is this okay? I'm going to take off your shirt okay?" very awkward. Although my friend Mike pointed out that any first time sex is generally awkward and it's probably doubled by the fact that only one of us sort of knew what we were doing. What blows my mind is the whole condom aspect. It's like if I put it in his hand, doesn't that mean I want to have sex? But what if he's not ready? What if he's scared and feels pressured into this? So I have to ask, I have to let him know "It's up to you." So then he feels pressured to ask me if it's okay. I put the damn thing in your hand, yeah it's fine with me. The sex itself was far less strange than I thought it would be. It was, well, sex. It was good. I was proud. We cuddled after, then fell asleep.

So we woke up this morning (this afternoon) at 1:30. I looked at him, he was oddly calm. Too calm. Why did I have no effect on this boys life? I don't get it. Shouldn't he be stupid giddy? Shouldn't he want to ravage me over and over again, especially in the morning? He had to pee, thus get dressed. Once the clothes are back on, it's pretty much over. When he came back into my room, I was dressed, and he started playing my guitar. Man, I can't even keep an 18 year old's interest for more than a few hours.

So big night tonight. I have a show in Chinatown and hopefully we can all hit the town afterwards. Jedi will not be attending. Dancer may show up which would be interesting. He's another one that I really have nothing to talk to him about but I find myself oddly attracted to him. He's also the complete opposite body type of me (and Jedi) for that matter. He's tall, I'm talking maybe 6'3"ish or something and very skinny. He's built like, well a dancer. I'm, let's say vertically challenged and not skinny. Not fat, just curvy. And I get all nervous around him. Like he totally intimidates me for some reason. Like he's too cool for me. But let's face it, he's the one who lives in NJ. He is NOT too cool for me.