Today is the Lorax’s birthday. I would have made it through completely unfazed except he emailed me in the morning. He said he had heard an interview on NPR and it “reminded me of you.” What the fuck does that mean? Why does he feel that it’s necessary, when I’m finally starting to forget about how much I miss him to sweep back in and take a dump in my freshly vacuumed state of mind?

So I email him back. I ask him about the interview, inquiring who the musician was that was on NPR. Then after I sign my name I put a polite PS-happy birthday. Fuck, it’s done. He knows I remembered. We go back to the former roles of me being totally into and almost obsessed with him and him thinking that’s cute and saying thank you when I tell him I want to spend more time with him.

So I spend the whole day obsessing over the two words in my email that I never should have said. I never should have sent the damn thing in the first place. Who does he think he is just reminding me of his presence in my life. Everything else reminds me of him, why does he have to do it too? Errrggg.

I think I’ve come to the conclusion that it isn’t really him I miss. Most would arguer that when a relationship ends, it’s hardly ever the actual person you miss. It’s usually the comfort and the closeness that you miss. But the problem with this theory is that the Lorax never really let me get close to him other than in a physical sense. I never really got to be involved in his life. So I don’t think it’s the intimacy I miss. I think what I miss is the fact that he didn’t suck. And let me tell you, most people out there completely suck. As my friend Jennifer aptly stated today “sometimes a girls got to go through many losers till she finds what she wants. It’s like shopping at Loehmans.” Truer words were never spoken. So I suppose I shouldn’t quite put down my credit card of love quite yet.

So if you know any nice, single, preferably Jewish, smart, emotionally available, men who live in Manhattan (maybe, maybe Brooklyn, definitely not New Jersey) who DO NOT own cats, tell them to give me a call.