So I was just told by one of my readers that it’s my turn, my move, I need to make the call. Well I’m here to tell you dear readers, I made the call…and it wasn’t pretty. I hate how he turns me into a raging bitch. Is it just because I’m not getting my way? I think because I can’t articulate what it is I really want or need from him I end up yelling at him because he’s not giving it to me.

So it’s over…really, I swear. It’s so totally over…unless it’s not. I got a lecture last night from my best friend. She told me a fairy tale of when she had a “prince” just like mine who was selfish and couldn’t possibly give her what she needed. He didn’t get it and she didn’t get him. She still doesn’t and still thinks about him every once in a while. We make excuses for the guys who can’t quite give us what we need. We think, maybe some day when he stops drinking, when his job calms down, when he stops wanting to screw his ex, when he (insert bad boy behavior here). Why do we do this? There are so many red flags screaming at me saying “He is NOT a good boyfriend!!! Thos few times he did nice things are completely blinding you to the millions of times he’s let you down!!!! And he will continue to let you down!!!!!!!”

So when I called him last night he said now was not a good time to talk and he wanted to talk about it later. I asked him why in my bitchiest tone ever. He said he had just gotten back from the bar (so I gather he’s drunk and cranky). I refuse to use this as an excuse but what can I do? I can’t force him to talk about our relationship (especially if there never really was one to begin with). So I tell him “When you are ready to talk about it why don’t you give me a call and maybe I’ll be around to talk about it…” That didn’t come out as eloquently as I had hoped. He said goodnight in his sweet Ashevillian sort of way and we hung up. I felt stupid. He’s always making me feel stupid.

I felt stupid the day I let myself fall for him. I felt stupid when I told all my friends they could meet him and he never came to New York. I felt stupid for telling people I was moving to North Carolina when they all knew this was just a passing NotIntoYou fancy and I would soon be settling into a new New York apartment with my roommate. I feel so stupid for wanting to talk to him right now…