Jews: a dating story. Last week I went on a date with a boy whose name is just too good to give a nickname to. His name (I swear to G-d) is Sholom. Wonderful huh? Could you get any Jeweier? Ask and ye shall receive huh?

Well anyway this boy contacted me from Nerve.com. We chatted on the site for a few days before moving our conversation to AOL IM. I found him charming, adorable and funny. Turns out he was raised Lubavich, which for those of you who don’t know is basically as super Jewey as you can get. Lubavich are often perceived as friendlier than the Hasidic Jews. The fact is, they are just trying to get you to join the Jew Crew. Anyway I’m not a big fan, apparently neither is he. He was kicked out of three Yeshiva high schools, spent a year in Israel drinking and doing a lot of drugs and eventually gave up as much of his family’s religion as possible. I found this “bad boy Jew” thing hilarious and kinda hot.

So I agreed to go out with him. He said he would email me. He never did. Bummer. So I emailed him through Nerve one last time, just to check if he was snubbing me. He emailed me immediately back and was like “I emailed you! You never emailed back!” He spelled my name wrong. Ahhh details. Anyway we made a date for Cinco De Mayo.

A few days before the date he called. He said, “So I’m standing in front of your office (don’t worry, he’s not a stalker, I told him where I worked) and I was wondering if you want to come down and actually meet before our date.” I laughed and came downstairs. He was way dorkier than I expected. His pictures made him look kinda dork sheik but really he was just a dork. Oh well, I’ll still go.

I met him at a bar in Hell’s Kitchen that was not nearly as cute as I hoped. We had a drink and chatted. He told me the story about getting kicked out of school after school. He told me about his major at NYU (he just graduated). After he harassed me I told him the story of the fucker who went to Italy because it’s in my nerve profile. We decided to move to a Thai restaurant and get some food. We got into a hot debate about Judaism and where or whether there was a middle ground. I actually felt far more Jewish than him, it was weird. So after dinner (he paid in case you’re wondering) we decided to hit Fluff, a really cute bakery (I paid).

This is where the conversation got a bit weird. Like 2nd, 3rd date weird. We talked about sex, a lot. He even asked me when the last time I had sex was. I refused to tell him that it was less than 20 hours before with a man I just met. Details, details. We talked about why people wait till the 3rd date. He suggested that if you’re attracted to someone, why not just sleep with them. Why deal with all the dating if you’re really just interested in sex (red flag!). I said “I have fuck buddies, people I just hang out with cause I know we’ll go home together. Those people don’t come over when you have bronchitis.” I think I made my point.

So we parted on fairly good terms. I thought he might kiss me, but he didn’t. I thought he’d call, but he didn’t. He thought I might sleep with him, but I didn’t.