I arrive in North Carolina early, Older Navy isn’t quite there yet so I park it on a bench and wait. When he arrives I can’t help but smother him with kisses. I know it’s been less than 2 weeks since I saw him but I’m amazed at how much has happened between us since then.

I get in the car and he can’t keep his hands off me…literally, just touching me, my face, my legs, my arms. He risks crashing his car just so he can kiss me.

So we walk into his house and I immediately start to take my clothes off and go into the bedroom. He walks in, looks as me and says “you don’t have to tell me twice.” He lays down next to me and ravage each other. It’s great, it feels comfortable, familiar, wonderful. We kiss and hold each other for a few minutes. We lay there staring at each other. After about a half hour goes by, we do it again.

We get in the shower and are still all wrapped up in each other. It’s wonderful, I feel so good, he feels so good, life is good.

We get out of the shower, lay back down in bed and start talking…about sex toys. The bullet (which I did bring with me) comes up and eventually comes out of the bag. And there we are, having sex AGAIN. This time, stupidly, unprotected. He pulls out but fuck, that’s dumb as shit. We fall asleep. He wakes up in a panic. I ask him what’s wrong and he tells me he had a horrible dream that I got pregnant. This prompts a very scary conversation. “Do you ever want to have kids?”

Ugh, why did that have to come up. There’s only two outcomes of this conversation and neither of them are particularly desirable. 1) he DOES want to have kids, he’s 35, the clock is ticking or 2) he’s 35, if he wanted to have kids by now, he would be married already. It was the latter. Older Navy never wants to have children. Now I know you’re thinking “this is ridiculous! You’ve known each other for a month! Why the fuck are you talking about children???” Well that’s kinda how I felt. But it was like a bad train wreck, we just kept gawking and poking at the bleeding bodies. It was horrible.

So within 3 hours of me being in NC we had sex 3 times, took a shower and broke up. So now I’m here the morning after, we’ve had sex again, taken another shower and now he’s making me breakfast. I feel like shit. My fantasy future as I said to him is fading away. He feels like shit too. I guess he kinda hoped that I could be the one as well. But the fact is, down the road, at some point, this is going to be an issue. Is it better that we got it out of the way now?

Love really is for suckers, good relationships are in the details. It should actually be about compatibility and whether you want the same things. Fuck the fact that we have tons to talk about and we’re crazy about each other. Fuck the fact that we have incredible sex and we are totally open with each other. Fuck the fact that we were falling in love with each other. Fuck it…I’m gonna go cry now.