Monogamy, much like myself, is nothing but trouble.

I’m a flirt, a bad one. And if I’m interested in someone, I’m gonna flirt. I know it’s a bad idea to flirt with another person when you’re attempting to be monogamous with someone far far away, but what does it hurt really? My flirting hasn’t really gone anywhere…yet.

I have a big crush on a coworker (soon to be ex coworker) and I sent him a text message this weekend. He responded by actually calling me in a slightly drunken state and we talked for a bit. He’s fucking adorable and I have a slight urge to jump his bones.

A few nights ago I played footsie in a bar with a guy I met a few hours before while he gave me a goofy yet charming grin. I liked him, and I liked the attention.

And last night…

So those of you who saw me last night might be tempted to say I was drunk. To be honest, (despite my actions and this massive tummy ache I have this morning) I was not drunk. I was happy and excited to be having fun on the 4th of July. However, thinking back on the events of the night, I’m not proud of what happened as a result of my “happiness.”

So I’m at this party on a rooftop in the east village. There’s beer and food and friends. It’s a good time. I’m walking around and hear someone say “hey beautiful!” I turn around. He looks so familiar. I remember him from the same party last year. He’s a friend of the host’s. I believe they went to high school together. I also recall that he doesn’t live in New York. Somewhere vapid like Miami or LA…and I recall he sells real estate. He’s charming and totally not my type but for some reason I go into flit mode. I’m bad! Why didn’t Older Navy come up this weekend? Errggg.

So anyway as the night progresses another friend of mine shows to the party. I hadn’t seen him in a while and I was excited to hang out with him. Somehow, not quite sure how it happened, he and I end up kissing…for like a second but it happened. I mean, we’ve kissed before so no biggie right? Right!

So then it gets later in the night. The “Hey beautiful” guy starts flirting big time. Dancing with me, grabbing me around the waist…attempting to kiss me in the middle of the party. Something didn’t quite feel right about that so I turned my head the first few times. But eventually he hit me right on target. Now maybe if he had been a better kisser I would have been okay with sucking face with him in the middle of the party. But the fact that he was one of those tight lipped, force your way in kinds of kissers, and the fact that he told me I was a good kisser made me feel all antsy. It was time for me to go. As I tried to untangle myself from him and get the heck out of there, he asked me where I was off to next. I told him home, and he offered to walk me there. I told him I wasn’t walking but he could walk me to the subway. Once we got outside he insisted on getting me in a cab and then insisted on getting in the cab with me. I rolled my eyes. This guy really thought he was getting in my pants. Pseudo boyfriend or not, I was not taking this guy home with me. I mean he was cute, charming, sweet but there wasn’t too much going on there.

So anyway we get in the cab and he tries to make out with me the whole cab ride. I politely kiss him back but all the while I’m thinking “Older Navy, you really like Older Navy and you’re being bad.” So when the cab pulled up to my place I didn’t even let him get out of the cab. I gave him a kiss on the cheek, thanked him for the ride home and went into my building.

When I got upstairs I immediately called Older Navy. I missed him, and I felt guilty. He didn’t pick up. In fact, he hadn’t picked up all weekend. I knew he was in Florida with his family but he could have called me back. Not that his failing to return my phone calls is in any way an excuse for me to make out with two people in one night, but hey, I was feeling a bit neglected.

I really thought I could do this, be a mature human being who makes the choice not to make out with other people but I guess I’m just a big flirt like I always was…and really, do I need to change that?