I know it’s been quite a while. Things have been a little bit insane in my world. Note: I said insane, I did not say interesting. But I’ll try my hardest to make it sound as interesting as possible.

Let’s go back to Israel shall we? Well Asheville was weird in Israel, as I later found out, he has a tendency to be. So one particularly weird night, I was feeling totally miffed. He went to bed early and wanted to have very little to do with me. So I went off and flirted with a guy who was on another trip. This guy (we’re going to call him Dell because that’s where he works) was nice, cute, attentive, into me and totally different from Asheville. So it was good to hang out with someone that I didn’t have to try so hard around. Anyway, I ended up hanging out with Dell most of the night. We grabbed my guitar and went off to play songs for each other in the stairwell of the hotel we were in. He was totally smitten by the end of the night and he kissed me. I felt a little bit guilty but come on, I met Asheville days before and I had no real allegiance to him.

So Dell and I hung out a bit, but for the most part, I spent a good portion of the rest of my time in Israel avoiding him because I didn’t want Asheville to find out anything. I think Dell was a little disappointed when he asked my roommates where I was and they said that I was most likely off getting naked with Asheville. Way to be tactful girls!

Anyway weeks go by and I’m back in New York. Asheville and I up and down. I get an email from Dell. He wants to know what I’m up to, how life is, and more importantly, do I ever want to come down to Austin and come visit. He could get me some gigs (translation: get you naked) and we could hang out. So we start to flirt a bit over email. But I was good, I told him about Asheville. I even told him about my plans to move down there. He said he was happy for me but his emails started to become fewer and far between.

Fast forward to a few days ago. I sent out a mass email that he happened to be a part of. He replied asking me about my failed attempt to relocate. I told him some of the story (as much as he needed to know) and he was sympathetic. Then he suggested I come down to Austin for Austin City Limits in September. He said if I got the plane ticket, he would pick me up at the airport and get our tickets for the festival. It’s an offer I’m having a hard time refusing. I mean, Wilco, Tegan and Sara, Emmy Lou, tons of musicians I would die to see will be at this thing. Plus I would get to hang out with Dell which could be fun. Also, I love Austin.

Uh oh, problem, red flag! You have a boyfriend dumb ass! Well he’s sort of like a boyfriend. He’s at least a person who would not be happy if you went down to Austin and hung out all weekend with a guy you don’t really know. And there’s really no way to sugar coat this one. Either I’m straight up with Dell, tell him I have a boyfriend and risk him not wanting me to come down, I lie to Older Navy about where I’m going and what I’m doing, or I call it off with Older Navy because if I really want to do stuff like this, I’m not ready for a boyfriend.

Honestly, I haven’t made that call. I really like Older Navy a lot. Dare I say, I’m falling in love with him. But there’s things about him, about our relationship that are really bugging me. Namely, that he has kinda been schooling me lately which has made me feel like a dumb little girl. Not good.

Anyway I haven’t bought the ticket yet and my email back and forth with Dell has subsided for the moment. I figure I have at least a week or two to figure stuff out. It’s good because I’m going back down south in a few days to see Older Navy. I feel like we need to talk a lot about our relationship and what the fuck is going on. I know we like each other a lot but is this really going to work? I really can’t be sure. He’s really wonderful and he clearly cares about me a lot but he’s jealous (maybe he has a right to be) and he acts like he’s a bit superior. Not in the cocky Lawyer way (oooh sad story about the lawyer later) but just a bit know it all professor like.

Anyway, I do really like him which is why I can’t just call it off right now. I need to figure out how he feels, how I feel, how he feels about I feel…it’s all terribly complicated. Too complicated for me to figure out right now.