I’ve been holding out on you.
I started seeing a guy, let’s call him f-stop (for now, because he’s a photographer). I didn’t want to write about him because I feel like putting a guy in this blog is bad luck. Turns out I don’t need the blog for rotten luck.


I met him at a concert a few weeks ago where he was taking professional photos and I was fumbling around with my friend’s camera that I couldn’t figure out. F-stop came and sat next to me and I politely asked him to show me how this camera worked. He couldn’t figure it out either, I was relieved.

After the show he and I got to talking. There was instant chemistry. Yes it was loud in the club but he did not need to have his lips that close to my cheek, ear, lips for me to hear him..but I didn’t mind. So anyway he lives in Astoria and actually works as an engineer in a power plant….damn, he’s smarter than me. He’s cute, tall, southern and seems really sweet. He introduces me to his roommate and some of his friends. He immediately invites me to a concert/party the next day and gives me all the details. I tell him that I’m supposed to be going to some Oyster festival on the upper west side and his eyes light up. I can tell he kinda wants to go so I invite him. He asks for my number and says he’ll call me in the morning.

The next day my phone doesn’t ring…at all. I had tons of friends who were supposed to call me but didn’t and I was pissed. I was pissed that f-stop didn’t call. I was also at work all day (Saturday) which made me even more pissed.

I left work around 8pm and walked home. I called some of the friends who were supposed to call and left messages. Since none of my friends had called, I didn’t have plans for the night so I figured, might as well go to this show. I called a friend to come with me and I headed downtown. When I got out of the subway my voice mail icon was on. I checked my messages: “You have 9 new messages…” the first one, at noon, was from F-stop. Damnit! Damn, T-Mobile! I also got voice mails from all of my friends who I had thought didn’t call.

Oh well. So I get to the club and I call f-stop to have him come outside. He’s really happy to see me and we both can’t stop staring at each other. We go inside and the bands are great. He and I seek out a spot where we can sit and enjoy the music. There’s a girl sitting next to him, talking to him and occasionally glaring at me…something is fishy.

Anyway later on in the night a band gets up that plays music you can dance to. So we all get up and dance. F-stop and I are all up in each other’s shit and at one point he leans in for the kill. Can’t stop smiling, feeling happy, this is good…

After the night is over he asks me if I want to come up to Astoria with him and his friends. They’re going to eat Chinese food at 3am and stay up. Sure, why the hell not? So we all head back to Astoria, F-stop and I ride with a couple so it’s me and the couple in the back seat and f-stop in the front. He text messages me the whole ride back, it’s cute.

When we get to Astoria it turns out his friends just want to crash. So f-stop and I head to his room to talk, look at his photos and, let’s be honest here, make out. Which we do until 5am. When we wake up at 11ish I mention how good a cup of coffee and French toast sounds. We get dressed and he drives me to a diner near his place. We have breakfast and talk for hours. Our waitress is clearly pissed that we are just drinking coffee and holding her table. Again, we can’t stop starring. At one point, he brushes the hair out of my face.

After breakfast he drives me home. We talk about a trip he has planned to go to Asia to shoot photographs. He is very smart and I like the way he thinks about the world. As we round the corner to my apartment he looks at me and says “I’m really sad that I have to drop you off right now.” I smile, kiss him and tell him that I need to get into my PJs and get some work done…secretly I am bummed as well. I get out of the car and his eyes follow me all the way to the door.

A few hours later I get an email from him, “How’s your PJs?” I email him back telling him that I’m tired but getting a lot of work done. I ask him if he wants to be my plus one for a party on Thursday. He said he would love to.

A few days roll by and we email and text each other. I ask him again about the party and he says he needs to check his schedule. Finally I had to call him the day before to get an answer. He said he would come.

We had an amazing time at the party. My friends loved him. He was charming, so cute and definitely held up a conversation. At 1:30 we took a walk around the block and talked religion, relationships, politics…it was great. We went to another party till about 3 and decided it was time to head home. We passed a diner and decided 3:30 on a Thursday night was a good time to have breakfast. We sat down to another wonderful breakfast conversation. I kept thinking, this guy is great.

As we walked home we discussed where we would sleep…he lives and works in Astoria so I graciously offered to go there but he said he would come to the UWS with me. But then he said, “wait, what are we doing tomorrow?” So presumptuous of him. I told him I was going to see some friends play and he was welcome to come with. So he said, “cool, I will come with you tomorrow night, and we can both just go home and attempt to get some sleep tonight.” Good plan. We rode the subway home together and parted ways.

At 6:45 on Friday I called him to give him directions. He said “oh, you didn’t get my message…my sister is in Philadelphia with her husband and I have to go pick them up and entertain them for the weekend…can we hang out Sunday?” I was a little pissed so I said “well I’m probably busy Sunday, call me then.”

Anyway we talked a few times that night and the days after. Sunday I didn’t hear from him, at all. I called him, no response. I texted him on Monday, no response until late that night. We talked on the phone but it was weird…awkward. Something was wrong. He said he would check his calendar for the rest of the week and get back to me….nothing. I texted him again on Wednesday, nothing. Finally I had it worked out in my head…he must be either super flaky, or blowing me off.

Wednesday night, after not hearing from him and after several text messages and voice mails, I decided I was being a desperate idiot. I called him, left a message saying “You’re so fired, I’m deleting you from my phone…”

Next morning I get an email from him, subject “Hey So you hate me”.
NotIntoYou, how's it going? you are no doubt a bit perturbed at me. i
know i am fired but i just wanted to say that i'm sorry for changing
my mind so quickly on all this.

f-stop

Okay, something is up. He didn’t just “change his mind” he liked me, I know he did. So I respond, “yeah, what the fuck happened?” and this is what I get.

i am going to be totally honest with you about this. i don't want you
to think that i am a total jerk after its all said and done. i am
seeing someone else and i wasn't sure what was going to come of the
situation, but i am not the type of person to date two people at the
same time - i never have been and don't intend on doing that ever. so
i apologize for not communicating with you better about the situation,
but now you know what's going on. i hope this doesn't make you hate
me, because that would just be a waste of two cool people knowing each
other. i'm sorry for the directness of this email, but i value being
honest with people and i dind't want to make up some crap story
instead of telling you the truth. i am not good at writing things
like this, but i hope you know i wasn't trying to do anything agianst
you in this situation.

I knew it! And it was totally that girl at the club. He had mentioned that they used to date and she was not happy about me being in the picture. And by used to, he means “just” broke up. And by broke up, he means they are still seeing each other.

So anyway, thus ends another saga in Not Into You’s life. I don’t know what to do anymore. Assholes are assholes, nice guys are assholes, and the White Russian bores the hell out of me. I really should stop dating, but then what would I have to write about?