I have a gift.

In my Hebrew school class (that’s right, I’m 12 years old, awkward, pimpled and hormones raging while picking out my fabulous Bat Mitzvah dress) there are about 15 kids. 14 of which are Jewish. Now for some reason the 1 non-Jew in the class decides to ask me out. I don’t get it. Do I have Jew-Off sprayed all over me? Do I have a sign around my neck that says “if you’re a goy, I want YOU”?

Anyway that’s not what tonight is about. Tonight is about the date I had last night. His name is “Should Be Gay Boy” or SBGB for short. So I went out with this nice Jewish boy from Long Island last night. He was a total geek which he says “is the new black.” He was very funny and charming and we had tons of stuff in common. The biggest thing we had in common is that we are both total lightweights and we were both shit faced after one (albeit very strong) drink.

It was a total “High Fidelity” type of first date. We played the “oh you like that? I like that too” game all night. I was intrigued by his love of Stephen Merritt (from the infamous Magnetic Fields) and his love of Billy Joel. What got me the most was his love of Musicals. Yes, the boy LOVES musicals. I have to give him credit, he’s not a big fan of the Queeny musicals, he does have taste. We talked for an hour about how brilliant “The Last 5 Years” was and how the music is just amazing. But there was just something about him. I mean, he clearly was not gay. I could tell by the way he looked at me, talked to me and had his hand on my thigh. But I just kept thinking, “this is not a GUY guy sitting next to me.” Then it hit me, maybe I don’t want a GUY guy. Maybe I need to date a nice guy for a while.

Anyway the date gets a little weirder. We start talking religion. I figure this is an easy topic considering that we’re both Jewish. We can just bitch about the Holidays and make fun of our Jewish grandmothers. Anyway he hits me with this: “I used to be a Christian in college.” That’s right right folks, he went from Jewish to a BORN AGAIN Christian and then back to Judaism. At first, he did the Christian thing for a girl. I mean, I get it, but I don’t really understand. Then, he gets sucked in. Even after they broke up he still stayed an uber Christian. Anyway he finally snapped out of it when a family member died. He decided he would look to the bible to decipher what happened to his Jewish family member when she died. All roads pointed towards hell. He wasn’t satified. He went to the pastor and asked him. The Pastor said, “well, we never know if someone might accept Jesus into their hearts right before they die. We can pray for that.” Clearly, this was unacceptable and SBGB decided to ditch Christianity and rejoin the MOTs.

Woah, I just wanted to gab about how we both secretly really like Manishevitz.

So anyway, we left the bar and he walked me home. He kissed me and it was good, which is odd because he really should be gay…