The humping has GOT to stop. So a few nights ago Yeshiva and I had our first sleepover. Still no serious hanky panky. He hasn’t even seen me in my bra yet, I’m being so good. Honestly the desire is not really there right now.

This could have something to do with it…the boy is, well, a bit of a humper. Okay, that’s a major understatement. He is a constant humper. Like constantly in motion – when we’re kissing, when we’re hugging, when we’re cooking, when we’re in public…okay that’s over the top. But seriously, he’s like a monkey in heat.

Okay other than this problem (which I assure you we will come back to) he’s not a very good kisser. Basically, I feel as if he is trying to either consume me or clean my teeth. I’ve tried to “train” him by keeping my mouth shut and not letting his tongue poke his way into my mouth but this seems to only give him the green light to slobber on my face.

So I asked my roommate, is it okay to bring these “issues” up (in a nice way) with him before I break up with him? The thing is, I really like him. He’s kind, very smart and he likes me. And I know that’s not a good reason to like someone back but it’s always very nice to have. Anyway my roommie says “ask him to give you some breathing room” which I thought was a good idea until I tried to put it into the context of having the conversation with Yeshiva. I mean the phrase breathing room could have so many contexts. It could be the classic “I need my emotional space, you are smothering me” which would not be correct or it could be the “you are physically hindering my breathing” which is also not true. So I’m not sure that’s the correct way to go about this.

So I continue on and ask the best friend. She says “that is totally unacceptable and completely incurable and I should move on. She says there is no way to bring this up and at 26, he should know better.

Since our sleepover he and I have talked over email and phone but have not yet seen each other. I’m nervous to see him because my inclination is to hug and kiss him and probably start to take his clothes off. But as soon as his hips start moving and his lips start smacking I will be jolted back into reality and back into this quandary.

So what’s a girl to do? Has anyone ever told you that they didn’t like the way you kissed? I mean, that’s harsh enough. Has anyone ever told you that they don’t want their leg, hip, butt, tummy, arm humped? Did you survive?