Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Okay, it’s official, I hate myself. Yesterday, because my mother gave me the money to do so, I joined JDate.

For those of you not familiar with the dating site, it is (as Jaxthatgurl put it) a kosher meat market.

What prompted this decision is the weekend I just had…

Friday night I went to see my fuck buddy’s show. I hadn’t seen him in a year and I had been promising that I would come see him play for months now. I finally decided that Friday was the night. I get to the club and it’s packed (his band was opening for Whetus…who sucks I might add). I can’t find him and I don’t know anyone there so I make a b-line for the bar. I’m standing at the bar and out of the corner of my eye I see that I long-haired guy is looking at me. I turn to see my fuck buddy who’s hair has quadrupled in length since the last time I saw him is standing right next to me at the bar. We hug and stare. He can’t believe I actually showed up to see him play. He buys me a beer, grabs my hand and drags me to meet his band mates. I said hello to everyone, met some more friends and then when he had to get set up, was stuck talking awkwardly to his former neighbors. They were super nice people but I had very little to talk to them about.

Once the show started I sat close to the stage and made faces at my fuck buddy. He was adorable but the band was having a bit of a rough time. The sound was kinda shitty and they clearly could not hear…oh, and they were all drunk. My eyes wandered around the room, checking out the crowd when I noticed that I, myself was being checked out. This cute, long-islandish kid was giving me the eye and I somehow managed to subtley sit next to him. We started chatting and he asked me for my number. When my fuck buddy’s band got off the stage I told him I had to go talk to the band. He kissed me on the cheek and told me he would definitely give me a call…haven’t heard from him.

So after the show my fuck buddy is distraught. He’s upset that the show was so shitty. I reassured him that the audience (the people who weren’t musicians) had no idea that they had a bad show. This made him feel a bit better. We keep talking and I say to him “so listen, you have to come to my place tonight, I’m not going to Queens. I have to be in Brooklyn in the morning to pick up my friend’s car.” He looked at me and with a sly smile he said “I moved to Brooklyn, you’re coming home with me.” So I lost that battle.

He and I have slept together maybe 6 times. He has NEVER been to my place, no matter where I live. I think because he’s older (30 in a month) he feels like his place is better…it’s not.

Anyway he asks me what my plan is for the rest of the night. I told him I had a birthday party to go to. He says “are you still planning on going?” I look at him and say, “no, I’m going to go to your place and have sex with you.” He is loving my straight forward nature.

So we go back to Brooklyn, take a shower together (which was definitely one of the most intimate things he and I have ever done together) and then we have sex. It’s the same as it always is. Not fantastic, but not bad. The only thing that is different is that he seems to be more into me now than he ever has before. Maybe it’s because he just broke up with his girlfriend, maybe it’s because I showed up after not seeing each other for a year and it’s just like old times. Who knows, but he is definitely more complimentary (you’re so cute, so beautiful, we fit really well together, you have the best ass I have ever seen on a jewish girl…) then ever before.

When we wake up in the morning, we have sex, I take a shower and then he drives me to my friend’s car. I spend the day in New Jersey which is way too long and complicated of a story to tell now.

When I get back from New Jersey I had a birthday party to go to. This was the 30th birthday party of a former coworker. I considered not going because I was so tired, but then I made myself leave the apartment.

I got to the bar and it was packed. The only person I knew there was out the door just as I came in. I made b-line for my coworker and his adorable girlfriend. I spent most of the night chatting up with his girlfriend and a friend of hers (who met her husband on JDate). I was actually having a pretty good time, but made a decision to leave by midnight and get some sleep.

Then I met my coworker’s roommate. He was…cute, really, really cute. I talked to him for a while. Turns out he’s a lawyer and he also went to NYU. Towards the end of the night it was me, the roommate, my coworker and his girlfriend sitting around a table and talking. The coworker and girlfriend left and it was just me and the roommate. I wasn’t that surprised when he turned to kiss me. Then he said “making out in public is kinda not cool huh?” I smiled and said “I really have very little problem with it.” He laughed and said “I like your style.”

We go outside and kiss outside of the bar. He asks me what I want to do. We entertain the possibility of me going home with him but then I realize that his roommate, my former coworker is there, and I’m not sure I want to deal with that walk of shame in the morning.

So he comes to my place. I lay down the law very early on that I have no intention of sleeping with him. He says that that is totally fine and we start making out. He’s a better kisser than Yeshiva but he’s a little too lippy for me. Eventually the clothes start coming off. But I stick to my guns and now sex (well sex sex) was had. It was fun we laughed and then went to bed.

The morning was…awkward. He asked for my number but somehow I doubt he’ll ever call. I’m not sure if I want him to. I mean, he seems nice but I’m not sure we really clicked.

So all of this left me feeling a bit empty inside. I felt like I’m quickly falling back into a pattern of dating just for physical intimacy and I really really don’t want that. It’s very easy to do.

So I gave in to the evil jdate empire. We’ll see. I’ll try it for a month and see if it “works.” I’ve certainly heard more success stories from JDate then from any other site, so I’ll give it a shot. Right now, I’m totally obsessed. I’m still feeling out all the features and constantly redoing my profile. This profile is far tamer than my nerve one. We’ll see if that’s a good or bad thing.


J said...

Smitten kitten- first off thank you for quoting me, you know I love that spotlight. Second, ok you fell off the horse and on top of a few guys- it's ok. I know you are seeking out things that aren't just sex but it's difficult sometimes to do. You're human, mistakes happen- you live and well you learn.

Not Into You said...

oh yeah, I forgot about that. Yes, I did have sex with my fuck buddy but the way I see it, it didn't count, we've already slept together. Who's with me?

J said...

it counts because he's getting attached- once they get attached they are no longer just fuck buddies...

SomedayGirl said...

I have to agree, you've already slept with him so it doesn't count (unless your feeling or hurt. Or his, for good measure, but you don't know that one way or the other yet).

Also - JDate sure as hell doesn't hurt, so why not? And everyone and their mother is doing it. Everyone I've met on there has been of the "I'm really cool, interesting and attractive, and I can't find cool, interesting and attractive people in my day-to-day life" genre, instead of the "I am socially inept and can't make friends in real life" genre. Good thing!

My 2 tips (from someone who has done this a lot):

- BE PICKY. There are a zillion guys on that site and if you go out with *all* of the "well there's nothing wrong with him" types, you'll get burned out. And they WILL end up being of the second genre.

- SPACE 'EM OUT. Before you know it, you'll have 4 JDates scheduled in a week and no time for your friends/self/hobbies/etc.

Good luck girl, let me know if you need moral support.

Anonymous said...

Times are tough. Picken's are slim (as we say in Tejas). But truth be told...(The obvious rhyme that is TOO dumb here is "and I think you'll find him".)

But I do. I think he's really out there.

Anonymous said...

Are you Jewish?

Not Into You said...

of course I am...I'm a Jewish Princess