Sometime, losers win…

I’m conducting a little experiment. Last night, I got a last minute invite to a BBQ from none other than the only non-Jew from my Hebrew school class. I’m going to call him the Yeshiva student cause I think it’s funny. Anyway, since I was nursing a horrible hangover and had not made plans to leave my apartment, I was free for the night and agreed to come to the BBQ. When I arrived near his place he was actually out getting supplies for the party and he met me on the corner. Damn, first to arrive, which is kinda weird considering he told me to come some time between 6 and 7 and it was now 7:45.

Shortly after we settled into his place and started unpacking the food, his friends started to arrive. Not that spending alone time with him would have been so horrifying, but I really wasn’t in the mood for that kind of night. So the party was as fun for me as it could be. His friends were nice, but it was kinda awkward not only explaining that he and I met in Hebrew school, but attempting to explain why Yeshiva is in Hebrew school at all.

So around 11:30 it was time for me to make a decision. I was still feeling pretty ill from my adventures the night before with Laura and I was really tired. This was my point of no return. If I stayed much longer, I would have to stay with Yeshiva, which I was not really ready to do. So I decided it was time to leave. Early exit, leaves mystery.

He walked me to the door and gave me a big old sloppy drunken kiss. I thought, “I like him, but I’m not sure I want to do that again.”

I was pretty psyched when he called me today. It’s amazing what someone liking you will do to a person. Anyway he asked what I was up to, I said I was running errands pretty close to his hood and he offered to come meet me. Shit, I’m not showered, I’m in my most awkward Sunday morning attire, I look like shit. I make up a reason why I have to go home first but I’ll meet up with him later. He agrees. I call him around 6:45 and he is in the west village with some friends. He offers to come meet me near my place and we can have dinner.

He comes up and we have thai food at this cool little spot in the theatre district. He used to live in my neighborhood so he knows it pretty well. After dinner I invite him over to watch Desperate Housewives and Grey’s Anatomy. He’s never seen either but he said he’s up for it. As we’re walking up the stairs to my apartment he grabs me and kisses me. It’s better when he’s not drunk, but still not my favorite thing in the world.

So we sit on my couch (with my roommate – glad he was there so I actually got to watch the show) and watch TV for a few hours. It’s a good time. Anyway, the shows end and my roommie goes into his room. Yeshiva and I are left alone. We start making out. Sloppy sloppy kisser. I don’t know what to do. I start attempting to train him with my kisses. I think it may actually have worked a little bit. I also notice that this boy is sweating a little bit. Not like pit stains, wet gross sweating, but spritzing from his brow sweating. Anyway, he pulls me onto his lap to attempt the more “hot and heavy” making out. I stop him. This is the moment I decide that I am going to hold out on him. I think, woah there cowboy, let’s get this kissing thing down first before we tackle the more advanced stuff.

So we stop making out and start talking again, intermittently kissing and holding hands. At one point he makes the somewhat left field comment that 'sometimes, losers win.' I wonder who the loser is here? Eventually he mentions that he should probably get to bed. This mean he either 1) wants to stay over – not gonna happen or 2) needs to leave. I’m gonna go with 2. I tell him that I’m “kicking him out” so he can get some sleep. He smiles, tells me that I’m cute and after much kissing, walks towards the door. I tell him I’ll speak to him soon and we both tell each other Laila tov, which means Goodnight in Hebrew.

When he left I told my roommate, “maybe I’ll keep dating him so I can have someone to practice Hebrew with.”

So anyway, holding out. I think it’s a good idea. I was telling Laura the story of how my last real long term boyfriend and I met and hooked up and everything. It took us months to sleep together. The first few nights he slept over, I made him sleep on the floor. Granted, I was 20 at the time but hey, I was also just being careful. What happened to that air of caution I used to keep with me? Why do I have to jump so quick and so hard into the physical portion of a relationship? I’ve concluded that I really don’t. I’m in a fairly unheated phase in my life where I could really take or leave sex. The last time I had sex it left me feeling kinda empty, unfulfilled, even a little embarrassed. Why deal with that right now? I can deal with that stuff on my own, why bother bringing some boy into the picture who I may sleep with and never hear from again? What’s the point.

So my experiment in celibacy starts tonight. I mean, I’m nto going to be a complete prude. I’ll be that 19 year old Virgin who really wants to have sex. I’ll be the “everything but the” girl. Anyone taking bets on how long this will last?