Saturday, November 05, 2005

I'm Just Not That Into You: A Retrospective

So I've been thinking for the past few days about my 1 year anniversary which happens to be today. In order to prep myself for this occasion I went back, took every entry I've written and put it into a word document. I read all 133 pages while at work on Friday. For the most part, I laughed my ass off. I wrote some really funny shit that I will share with you in a bit.

I also almost broke down in tears a few times. I am amazed at how many men, how many dates, how many failures are captured here in this blog. Now I could very well shut down at this point. I could say there is no use in going on, you are a creature of habit and you will never break these bad relationship problems. Let's face it, the problem (as much as I'd like to blame others) is me. I fall into the same patterns of falling flat on my face for someone and then getting trampled on in the process. I allow this shit to happen to myself. And I can and will say that I amm going to try my hardest to change. But that doesn't mean I will. I suppose just being aware of the problem is a good first step but it never really does anything. I don't deny that the problem is me. And after reading my life for the past year I haven't the foggiest idea how to fix things. I just know that I can't give up now. There has to be something better around the bend,. There has to be a guy out there who will love me not only in spite of my flaws but because of them (thank you Kissing Jessica Stein).

Anyway, let's stay focused, positive. This is a huge milestone for me. The only other things that I've been able to keep up past a year are music and 2 boyfriends. I'm pretty psyched about this. I have something, that's mine, that other people enjoy on a regular basis (and we're not even talking about sex here). This is good and I feel great that I have been able to keep this
thing moving along.

So I thought long and hard about what to do for a 1-year extravaganza! Pete suggested I do a statistical analysis but that's not really my thing. Maybe he can do it for me :). No, I went with something a little bit more...creative. I opened a store! The all new I'm Just Not That Into shop. Here you can buy all your favorite t-shirts, buttons, postcards and yes, even underwear. I'm not making a dime on any of this stuff so don't sweat it, I don't want to swindle you out of your money. But it if you want it it's totally out there and yours for the taking. There's also the new design (which I hope you all like) and you can always check out the myspace profile (http://www.myspace.com/notintoyou).

Okay so now on to the fun part. NotIntoYou's best of collection!

November 9, 2004

Now I know many of us still live in young 20's land where we all have roommates who we pretend don't know that we're having sex. I hate to break it to you, they know. And frankly, they don't care. Maybe they're even a little proud of you.
So don't worry about them. If you're keeping them up with your sex noises just think that there are far worse things they could be listening to. My roommate, for instance listens to the ding of the elevator all night...at least we have an elevator. Anyone ever had sex in an elevator? How did you forget about the cameras?

November 11, 2004

There is nothing like watching a weird ass movie to make you miss a weird ass person.

November 28, 2004

What's funnier than a bunch of drunken Irish guys on a New York City Subway?
That's right, absolutely nothing.


December 16, 2004

I am not a game player. Someone forgot to teach me the rules.

December 25, 2004

"I had a sex dream about you last night"
now tell me, is this an appropriate response to a text message that says "merry Christmas?"

January 20, 2005

At what point in a relationship is it appropriate to play the "I'm sometimes a lesbian" card?

February 23, 2005

Now as you all know, I'm a drama queen. If I walk out on someone that I genuinely care about, it's probably just to prove a point. Essentially, I'm bluffing and want him to chase after me. There are very few times when I walk out on someone with the intention of coming back to them. Usually it's "chase after me dumbass" or "I really am leaving you so don't
try to call me."

March 3, 2005

I'm going to the prom.

March 8, 2005

I prefer not to think about him as the boy who was doing Coke that very very dark night in Williamsburg. I like to think of him as the boy with the sexy voice who sang to me in Portuguese. He's also the boy who asked me out last night.

April 16, 2005

My best friend and I broke up with our respective beaus about the same time. They were both weird and distant and horrible for us and we fucking loved every minute of it. Although I have to admit that her guy was a) in New York and b) better suited for her and c) not a complete nut case we had equally devastating breakups.

April 20, 2005

It's Asheville's birthday...yes, he's born on 4:20, how appropriate. Normally I would struggle with whether to call, email, text him a little happy birthday wish, but it's surprisingly easy. He was such an asshole that I hope he's having a miserable birthday. I hope he's sitting there thinking "fuck, it's my birthday, I'm 26 years old, and I'm alone." That's right buddy, you're alone. I'm alone too but I feel okay about that cause I had sex last weekend

May 11, 2005

It's not that he doesn't keep me engaged on the phone. He totally does. It's just as much as I like hearing about how he wants to kiss the back of my neck, I'd rather he be here and fucking kissing the back of my neck.

May 25, 2005

For me, I use it as a flirting tool. It inevitably comes up in date conversation. "So, other than music and work, what else do you do?" And if I'm feeling saucy I mention that I write a blog. When they ask to read it I tell them "if you ever want to go out with me again, you can't have the URL. If you don't want to go out with me again, I'll write it down for you right now." Damn, I'm ballsy. Without fail they don't ask for the URL. That doesn't mean that we ever see each other again, it just means that I managed to tell them I write a blog, get them all hot and bothered about it and still not let them know that I'm writing the blog entry in my mind as we're on the date.

June 1, 2005

At one point I stopped him, grabbed him by the face and looked him right in eye. I said to him "I am so excited to get to know you and I am really glad we get to talk and get to know each other this weekend but right now, all I want to do is get naked."

June 6, 2005

It's funny, as much as I appreciate my friend's advice, I hardly ever take it.

June 28, 2005

Here's to being spontaneous, I just wish he'd fucking call first...

August 8, 2005

He's cute, tall, sideburns, soul patch (okay it's cheesy but he makes it work). Apparently (I don't remember this) I asked him if he'd sleep with me. Not like "will you sleep with me right now" more like "you would sleep with me right?"

August 13, 2005

So after he kissed me I walked away thinking "it isn't the hair that made me not really feel anything is it?" I don't think it was, at least, I hope it's not. I'm not THAT shallow am I?

August 14, 2005

So close to not being an asshole, but still, an asshole none the less.

September 5, 2005

Fucking North Carolina! I shit you not! North fucking Carolina!

September 12, 2005

Nice guys ... still assholes.

September 29, 2005

In my Hebrew school class (that's right, I'm 12 years old, awkward, pimpled and hormones raging while picking out my fabulous Bat Mitzvah dress) there are about 15 kids. 14 of which are Jewish. Now for some reason the 1 non-Jew in the class decides to ask me out. I don't get it. Do I have Jew-Off sprayed all over me? Do I have a sign around my neck that says "if you're a goy, I want YOU"?

September 30, 2005

The voice mail was weird. It was a kind of drunken roar...I'm not kidding, the man rolled his tongue and gave me a cat-like purr or roar.

October 14, 2005

This could have something to do with it...the boy is, well, a bit of a humper. Okay, that's a major understatement. He is a constant humper. Like constantly in motion ... when we're kissing, when we're hugging, when we're cooking, when we're in public...okay that's over the top. But seriously, he's like a monkey in heat.

October 25, 2005

Okay, it's official, I hate myself. Yesterday, because my mother gave me the money to do so, I joined JDate. For those of you not familiar with the dating site, it is (as Jaxthatgurl put it) a kosher meat market.

October 30, 2005

I came back and we had sex for literally hours. I am so fucking tired I can't even begin to explain and frankly, I'm having a lot of problems walking today. At one point in the night I said to him "You really want me to never walk again don't you?" and he replied "nah, just tomorrow."

October 31, 2005

You know what the best part about sleeping with a coworker is? You get to do not one, but two walks of shame. Well in my case, I get to strut down that catwalk about 7 or 8 times a day because I have to pass his desk to get to the bathroom
(which I do frequently).

So that's it. Did I miss any? I'm sure I did, but it's enough to fill an entry.

I want to take a moment to thank all of you who read this thing. You are beautiful, brave people. I am so pleased that you can laugh at my inevitable decline. I love you all.

4 comments:

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J said...

You rock cookie- Love you, love your blog (even if you keep renaming me)

SomedayGirl said...

Happy Birthday. I *love* that Pete wanted to do a statistical analysis, but maybe that's because I have a personal investment in that tidbit. Go for it, Pete.

Pete said...

Happy birthday! We love you and we love the blog! (Words in this comment: 10, exclusive)