I hate that I miss him

My best friend and I broke up with our respective beaus about the same time. They were both weird and distant and horrible for us and we fucking loved every minute of it. Although I have to admit that her guy was a) in New York and b) better suited for her and c) not a complete nut case we had equally devastating breakups.

So what the hell is wrong with us? Why are we pining over these guys? It can’t be that I’m lonely…I have tons of friends, I could have tons of dates. It can’t be that he and I were so great together. Did I really think he and I would end up together? Probably not. So what is it?

I think it comes down to the old adage that you want what you can’t have…I refuse to believe that it’s that simple. I think he fucked me up so bad and I miss having all that drama. I miss hearing how screwy he is and thinking about all the ways I could fix him up and make him a better person. But my friend with the keen sense to ask “since when do relationships require a tool belt and hammer?” keeps coming back into my mind. I can not fix this boy. He can not be fixed…by anyone. Anything he does to become a better person has to be himself doing something HE’s doing. He is the only one who can change, not a girl, not even the right girl.