Wednesday, November 30, 2005

For the first time in about 5 years, I am terrified of having sex. I’ve come to the conclusion (I can’t believe it took this long) that fucking fucks things up.

Last night Tarantiny and I had our third date. No, no, not THE third date just a third date. I had my second show this week (2 in a row, I am totally living the life of a rockstar) and he came to take pictures, carry my guitar and lend morale support and a warm body. Around 5:45 he texted me to ask if he could come pick me up at my office and help me bring my stuff to the bar. I told him he could.

When he got to my office I made sure to introduce him to my coworker. I introduced them to each other as “the other Canadian Jew.” It was funny, they both laughed, my coworker gave Tarantiny the stare down.

During my show Tarantiny was all over the place. I had asked him to shoot some pictures and boy, did he take that to heart. I don’t think he sat for one minute. The boy has a lot of nervous energy…I feel like he might be on speed (insert nervous laughter here).

After the show we went in search of brownie mix, which was impossible to find in any bodega near my house. So we gave up and went back to my place to order pizza and make out. After getting a little bit too hot and heavy, I decided to take a step back and get up and put on some music. I hit him with the “I’d like to take things slow” speech and he seemed fine with it….really, he did!

The pizza came and he, my roommate and I sat and watched “The Biggest Loser” finale while eating pizza…ironic isn’t it? After the show ended we went back into my room to gather his stuff. It was about 1am at this point but he insisted on going home because staying would mean that we would probably get ourselves into a lot of trouble and not a lot of sleep.

Then an hour goes by…

He has one shoe on, my hair is all tousled and my shirt is slowly creeping its way up. We’re a fucking mess. We can’t keep our hands off each other and every other breath is one of us telling the other that this has to stop and he needs to go home. Finally, I kick him out. As I lean my head out past the door frame, he keeps running back up the stairs to give me that one last kiss. It’s fucking adorable and I think I’m going to puke.

But once he left I spent a lot of time thinking about things. Things like, am I really attracted to this boy? I get a very strong friend vibe from him. But it’s not that standard, he’s not attractive or I’m not attracted, therefore we should be friends. This is a new sensation. He actually reminds me a lot of my ex from college. He’s very, very cute so nice, we click, he gets me and my personality, he comes up with fun things for us to do, he’s totally chivalrous and I think I could see myself dating this boy for a while. But I’m just not sure that I want to sleep with him.

Maybe this is a good thing. Maybe it means I’m maturing and being a little afraid of that step is okay. I don’t want to write this guy off as friend material just yet because we do really click. He also does sweet things like call me on his lunch break just to say hi and tell me what a good time he had hanging out with me. For once, I’ve found a boy who wants to be someone’s boyfriend. I just wonder if I want to be his girlfriend…

15 comments:

J said...

To be friends or to be more than friends? Oh my that is the question- but here's a questionf or you smitten kitten, maybe you don't want to be attracted to him because he's treats you so well? You know and we all know you've had your string of asses that don't last but here's a potential guy who's wants to stick around... so is it him you're not attracted to or what he represent?

Anonymous said...

I worried about it when I met my boyfriend. We started dating, and I couldn't imagine myself getting physical with him, especially since I am attracted to him, but not hardcore.

Turns out, all was fine. Go for it, but definitely take it slow.

Anonymous said...

Er...Not to be a total downer, but you did just meet the kid. Do you really have to decide all of this this week?

Anonymous said...

I kinda want to hear what happened to David.

asa said...

more updates plz

Anonymous said...

Congrats!
I'm jealous.

Anonymous said...

Does Tarantiny know about your blog? Does he have the URL?

Anonymous said...

JEALOUS!! ARGH!!

Anonymous said...

Okay, okay...Yeah, yeah, love and all that, but what's really super important here is that you went to see Teen Witch with a Q and A without me.

And for that you must die.

~Lonely Lola

Gecko said...

sounds like THIS blog might be done...

Anonymous said...

One update a month?

Anonymous said...

so what happens next, just not into you??

Anonymous said...

What has happened to one of the most entertaining blogs I've found? Don't leave us hangin' now!

Anonymous said...

I just discovered your blog... and it's terrific (and so nicely designed). I just hope you start posting again, even it feels daunting. Nicely done!

Beronica said...

Girl...I don't know how I ended up at your blog but I Love it...I have to keep reading on everything I've missed so far. I've been out dating for a while now and I could soooo relate. I'm 29 and dating at this age is fun but a lot of work too. Anyways, good luck w/your new man and I look forward to your next posting!