Wednesday, December 07, 2005

I know I know I know…

The truth is, I haven’t been motivated to write in this thing. After my latest crushing blow with David, I was feeling kinda down in the dumps. I needed something to blame, so I blamed the blog. Now that’s not entirely fair because, let’s face it, the blog is not real. It’s something I made, from my own life, imagination and what not. Therefore, I should really be blaming myself for my own happiness or unhappiness. Which is why, after a hiatus, I have come back.

Now there are three seemingly separate stories at play here. Story number 1, me and David, story 2 me and Tarantiny and 3, me and Cute Boy. All but one have become pretty much irrelevant. Can you guess which one?

Story 1: I haven’t spoken to David since right before thanksgiving. We exchanged words over IM, indicating that we might be friends. I haven’t heard from him since and frankly, I don’t care.

Story 3: Cute boy came in from Seattle last night. He was high on Zanex, alcohol and flying. I had to work so he sat and played video games for about an hour with my roommate while I did some work. We went into my room and sat down on the bed. I looked him right in the eyes and said “I have a boyfriend…”

Which leads me to…

Story 2: Things are great. I mean, really really great with Tarantiny and I. We haven’t been apart for more than 24 hours as of late and it’s really nice. He’s sweet, attentive, kind, creative, passionate and most of all, he feels the same about me. I’ve cooked him dinner and breakfast the next morning. He runs errands with me and he already knows what drinks to get me at Starbucks. It’s the little things isn’t it? He’s come to all of my shows, I’ve watched his short film. He’s met some of my friends, he’s told all of his about me. Life is pretty good, I’m blissfully happy and so is he. On Monday (after some great sex, a walk in the snow and cuddling), he called me his girlfriend, I called him mine, but then he said he preferred I call him my boyfriend : ).

Yes, of course I’m waiting for that moment when the other shoe drops. I’m waiting for him to do something completely insane that turns me off forever. I’m prepared for these things. I find that even though I get super worked up over relationships (partly for the sake of the blog – hence the need for a hiatus) I still manage to keep some kind of level head. I don’t dwell too long over failed relationships. I mean, every time a new one bites the dust, I inevitably think about the past failures because I need to establish my patterns so I know how to fix them. But this is just good right now and I prefer to bask in the glow of a new, requited relationship that just feels really good.

Back to story 3. After I told cute boy that I would not be sleeping with him, or kissing him or anything-ing him we settled into friendship land. He told me he would probably find a different place to stay for the rest of the week and I told him that would be okay. We stayed up for hours laughing and talking. I told him all about Tarantiny and how great things were. He told me about this nutty girl in Seattle that he’s been sleeping with. All in all, it was a great night. We did sleep in the same bed together but NOTHING happened. I was actually rather proud of myself because he’s difficult to resist.

So what is this? Why all of a sudden this burst of willpower? I’ve only known Tarantiny for a little over a week. I didn’t (up until Monday night) owe him any kind of fidelity. I didn’t have to call him my boyfriend Monday night. I could have held off. The thing is, even though I knew Cute Boy was coming to town and things would be complicated, at that moment, I wanted nothing more than to call him my boyfriend.

Damn, things are just good.

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