Tuesday, November 15, 2005

I wish I were the kind of girl who needed space. Why can't I be that girl? Didn't I break up with my college boyfriend because I needed some space? What happened to that girl? She was so cool, so in control.

I am a raving lunatic and I don't get it. I make scaring boys away a high art form. The funny thing is, I'm not even sure I've scared him away. But I can guarantee that if I keep up this behavior, I will scare him away. He will be heading for the hills.

What am I doing that is so bad you ask? Well, I'm not really sure but I just feel that it's bad. For instance, I drop him off at his place on Sunday night, drive to Brooklyn to drop off the car and then text message him. He texts back, I text back. That's the end.

Yesterday, fully knowing that he is busy as shit, I try not to bug him. I drop him a quick email in the early afternoon giving him a link to a song I recorded. A few hours later he gets on IM just to tell me that he's busy, he listened to the song and really liked it. I asked him if he wanted to come over and watch Grey's Anatomy with me but he said he already watched it Sunday night.

Later in the night we were both working late. I texted him to see if he was still working. He texts back to tell me he is. I text him back to tell him I need a hug...nothing.

He calls around 9 when I get home. He's still at work but about the head out. We joke about both needing a hug, he tells me he'll call later. He doesn't.

Before I go to bed I text him to tell him I'm going to bed hug-less...nothing. An hour later when I can't get to sleep I call him to tell him so...nothing.

This behavior has to stop and it has to stop now. No more calls, no more texts, no more emails. If he wants to talk to me, he will. If he doesn't then that fucking sucks. But I can't keep digging myself into this hole. I just need to learn to love my space.

6 comments:

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Anonymous said...

Every time you want to text him. Text someone else, telling them what it was you wanted to say. It might drive your friends nuts, but they'll love you regardless.

Anonymous said...

You have to let him miss you! Keep the perspective that he's not your boyfriend, he's a guy you went on two dates with. If a guy you hardly knew texted and called all the time, you'd probably shy away too. Lay off and I'm sure he'll come around.

J said...

Patience peanut... let the flies comes to the honey....

george said...

you are behaving like the crazed guy from swingers. (the one who calls the woman he met at the bar 15 times) i wouldn't call you back. i would run as far and as fast as i could. nobody wants a co-dependent fuck budy.

MissyFoosy said...

god, you sound like me...except my guy was hanging out with a "female friend" till 2am...How could I NOT be paranoid???
But everyone is right....let him come to you..im trying this method and its fuckin hard...but its the only option left before I turn into Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction